Eve of My Wedding

I listen to my friends all the time,
Sometimes for good, sometimes for no.
I have a-taken their advice to heart so many a time,
And sometimes I've flourished,
Other times have fallen short.
Take, for example, my trip to the sin capital of the world,
I don't to need to tell you that that's Las Vegas, N-V.
They told me to go a-sewin' on my wild, wild oats
'Fore the approaching wedding comes to pass.

Now, I'm a good hearted soul. That I am.
I'm a gentle-hearted man.
I'd never hurt a fly, and I try not to sin.
But apparently, I have my flaws
As we all do, under The Lord's creed,
For apparently I was about to fall into the trap
Of Adam when he was with Eve.

Well, I got to Vegas, got off my flight,
Hookers were on the left, pimps on the right,
Showin' off their honey-money.
This was unusual where I was from,
For I was from Middle America, a cornhusker boy,
The "purest lil' spot of earth on the this here planet."
We didn't have these delicacies there,
But that doesn't mean I wasn't tempted
Or I sure as heck wouldn't be here,
So I walked up to the pimp, he showed off his pets.
I said, "I'll take the first one on the left,
So fine, so decadent, so tasty,
I think that I'll rip into her sensuous flesh."

And so I forked over the money,
And we headed to our hotel,
And she kept me up a-bangin' all night long.
In the morning, when I woke up,
What was once in my arm was gone,
And I felt empty, not to mention a few dollars short.
So I packed my bags and I high-tailed it on home,
Totally convinced I could say my wild oats were sewn,
And yet feeling totally hollow, couldn't face what's ahead.
I saw my fiance. She asked me about my trip,
And I definitely said, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."
It's the eve of my wedding, and I feel like a total asshole.